Skits Highlight Role of the Bystander in Bullying

What would you do if your basketball buddy started picking on your theatre friend, calling him “gay” and pushing him to the ground during gym class?

If a CEO dad were bullying his son from the sidelines of a soccer game, would you intervene?

These and other scenarios were the focal point of “The Bystander’s Dilemma,” the second in Not in Our Town’s “Bullying- Changing the Culture” event on Tuesday night at the .

Not in Our Town, a group formed more than a dozen years ago to address issues of racial injustice in Princeton, joined forces with Corner House's Growing up Accepted as an Individual in America (GAIA) Project.

The event featured both teen and adult skits, and invited a packed audience to participate in the discussion.

“Research has shown that bystanders are very important in the role of the bullying cycle,” said Mary Saudargas, a co-facilitator of the GAIA Project, a youth leadership program. “(Bystanders) can break (the bullying cycle) or they can continue it.”

A bystander in a bullying situation can be defined as someone who sees an incident, but neither acts in the moment nor reports the behavior.

Bystanders may fail to act for many reasons- fear of being ridiculed, insulted or even physically assaulted. They may feel scared, insecure or helpless.

“It’s a lot more prevalent to be in the bystander position that to be a bully or a target, it really does happen everywhere…maybe not so much in Princeton, but it does happen,” said Princeton High School senior Eddie Percarpio, 18, a member of GAIA.

Ideally, bystanders should become ‘upstanders,’ say members of GAIA and Not in Our Town.

It can be as simple as saying “That’s not cool,” “I’m not OK with that” or going home and telling your parents about a bullying situation. Other times, a situation can be more complicated.

Students in a classroom with an overeager classmate who continually pipes up to express unpopular opinions may be able to diffuse the situation by pulling the student aside and suggested she allow her peers to speak first as a way to deflect mockery.

Adults, like teachers or coaches, can also act as upstanders, helped in part by a new state law which mandates they intervene and report each bullying incident to the principal for an investigation.

It can be easier to be an upstander if you have an ally in the situation or if you yourself have experienced a similar bullying situation.

"Every single piece of research that exists about bullying talks about the bystander,” said Elizabeth Casparian, executive eirector of . “We know what a bully looks like, we know what a target looks like and we know what being a bystander feels like because it’s the role we’re most comfortable in.

“I’m going to challenge you, whether you do it tonight or you do it next week, to try to think about what you need to be an upstander and then go out and find it," Casparian said.

Eddie Percarpio said he jumped at the chance to become a member of GAIA because he grew up with a Columbian nanny and his classmates often asked him if he was Spanish and if the nanny was his mother.

“I was always aware of the racial and ethnic boundaries and tensions that come across in all the different grades,” Percarpio said. “I would love to make people aware of not only the tension, but the discrimination that goes on and the awkwardness if they’re a minority or if they’re perceived differently.”

U.S. Rep. Rush Holt (D-NJ) spoke at Tuesday’s event and showed a short film promoting www.itgetsbetter.org.

“Yes, I can give you a toll free number to call…(877) NJ-BULLY...but that alone won’t do it. It has to be done person by person, class by class…and school by school. And that’s why I’m so pleased you’re doing this,” Holt said.